CROP & CIRCLES
Every Monday morning like clockwork, Jeremiah would wake up to find another perfect circle pressed into his cornfield. He tried blaming pranksters, then teenagers, then wild raccoons with artistic flair — but none of those explanations stuck. Especially not after one of the circles glowed in the dark and made a humming noise that sounded suspiciously like an alien attempting to sing country music.
Jeremiah had had enough.
One night, under a full moon, he spotted them — glowing orbs floating in the sky above the field. Without hesitating, he jumped in his truck, drove straight through the rows of corn, and skidded to a halt right in the middle of the latest circle.
That’s when the beam of light hit him.
Bright, warm, and buzzing with strange energy, it surrounded him completely. Jeremiah barely had time to say “Hey now!” before everything started spinning. His hat flew off, the air shimmered, and he felt... different.
When the light faded, Jeremiah slowly stood up — only it didn’t quite feel like his body anymore.
His hands were smaller. His shirt was tighter. His jeans felt a little... unfamiliar. Long golden hair tickled his shoulders, and when he glanced down, he gasped.
The beam of light hadn’t just zapped him — it had transformed him.
There he stood, in the middle of the field, now looking like someone who had just stepped off a country fashion magazine cover. His old farm hat still sat on his head (aliens clearly respected a good rodeo hat), and his new outfit was... well, let’s just say it was a lot more fashionable than anything Jeremiah had ever worn before.
Confused, he stumbled home, trying to figure out how he’d explain this to literally anyone.
When he walked through the door, his wife Cleusa took one look at him and nearly dropped the laundry basket.
— “Who are you and why are you wearing my favorite crop top?!”
Jeremiah took a deep breath.
— “Cleusa... it’s me. Jeremiah. Something weird happened in the field.”
She stared. He blinked. The dog barked.
After a long moment of silence, she replied:
— “Well, I did say those circles were trouble.”
From that day forward, life got... complicated. Cleusa wasn’t thrilled about having to share her closet, and Jeremiah had to get used to a completely new morning routine. He also had to answer a lot of questions from neighbors, the town mayor, and one very confused mailman.
The local news picked up the story, calling it “The Kansas Crop Circle Miracle.” People came from miles around just to take selfies with Jeremiah — or “Jessica Mae,” as some started calling the new version of him.
But the real mystery was solved a few days later, when another message appeared burned into the cornfield — not a circle this time, but a clear message:
“Specimen upgraded. Model enhanced. Enjoy your crop & circles.”
Since then, the UFOs haven’t returned. Jeremiah (or Jessica Mae, depending on who’s asking) still runs the farm, still wears the hat, and still wonders how in the world she’s going to explain all this at the church potluck.
One thing’s for sure: she may have lost some height, but she’s gained a whole new perspective on life.
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